you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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