If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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