We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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