well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
