I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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