I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
