After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
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Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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