he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
