life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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