i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
