Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
