and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
