WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize