she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
