I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
