2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
