i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Still dying that you shit outside
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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