I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
