I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
