TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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