Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
should my penis look like a turkey
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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