Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
