wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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