My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
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he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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