and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
