I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
