since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
