Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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