no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
