Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think people are normalizing furries
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
