The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
