I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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