Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
