you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
