Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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