So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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