The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
