i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
