I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
