This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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