i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
