I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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