whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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