i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
