i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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