why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
