apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize