Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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