Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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