The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
