Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
