mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
