you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
