elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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