dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
