Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
