There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
