he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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