I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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