If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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