omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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