All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
