just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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