i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
