So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
